I’m sitting in the living room, sunlight bright through the floor to ceiling windows that look out over the hill in this rural part of eastern Pennsylvania. I still can’t believe we live here. I love it, but the snow on the ground outside is so far from the California beach girl inside my soul. My son is laying in the dog bed by the fire. Yes, you read that right, it’s become the favorite location of all my children. Our dog, Chatham, is sitting nuzzled next to me on the couch. My daughters still sleeping the late morning sleep of teenagers on Christmas break.
My heart is exploding with love and gratitude and excitement, but also sorrow, and pain and dread.
This life the Lord has given me has been intricately intertwined with my role as a host at QVC for thirteen years. Its why I’m here. Why we moved to Pennsylvania from California. This position has made me who I am today. There is no wall between who I am on TV and who I am in this warm room on a cold winter day.
Most of the milestones of my life have happened while on national TV. I miscarried in the makeup chair before a shift. I texted with our lawyer during a Fitbit presentation while we were finalizing initial guardianship of my son (upper-level move that I can only admit now that I’m already leaving lol.) I tearfully shared my mother’s Alzheimer’s with you all during a presentation of a bible one Wednesday night. My babies watched me in the middle of the night as my husband fed them from bottles of breast milk I pumped in between shows. I met my closest girlfriend when she offered to watch my son one day so I could get some sleep before a shift. I stood on a stage explaining the fabric in a garment as fear gripped my chest when my producer told me in my ear that we were shutting down the building due to a virus. I cried on a couch next to Alberti when I announced that I’d be taking time off to move my family to Mexico to be missionaries.
The roots of me in the role of program host are so deep that severing them will not go unfelt.
I’m scared.
I’m sad.
I know it will hurt.
But God.
He has led me to such a time as this. As I announced on Saturday that I would be leaving QVC to follow His calling, my stomach dropped but it was immediately filled with the Joy only found in the Holy spirit.
Happiness, and sadness are both feelings, but Joy is a choice.
This has not been an easy decision but at the same time it’s been extremely simplistic. I am leaving because the Lord has shown me it’s time to use the gifts, He has given me to serve women more pointedly in faith and wellness.
While I know this is the right decision it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. God is allowing me to go through this grieving process knowing full well that it will bring me closer to Him. A few nights ago, I wrote heart felt letters to my producers understanding, we would stay friends, but likely never again share the closeness that comes from living life together live in front of the world.
Oh, how I feel that loss.
I have held hands with Alberti, and Rachel and Jen over the last six months as this plan evolved and there have been countless tears and negotiating and begging for a way other than out. My biggest fear is losing those relationships closest to me because I’m no longer a part of the tight knit family that our company creates. But, again, these are the times when I’ve had to take my eyes off my pain and place them fully on my Jesus. Following His plan, not mine. He has told me He needs to use me, and it’s my sole job to obey.
I imagine I’m taking this step off a cliff and it’s a long way down, and I don’t know how I’m going to survive the fall. That drop screams what will you do, how will you support your family, what if you lose your friends, how can you walk away from such success??…but then I look up and choose to ignore the shouts of what if and keep my eyes focused on God, and as soon as I take that step a cloud comes up from below and lifts me higher than I ever thought possible.
But I must take the first step. And that’s what I’m doing now.
I don’t know exactly where that cloud is taking me, but I do know it’s all God’s plan, and His plan is always better.
For now, I’m allowing myself to mourn as I say goodbye to the people at QVC who have known and loved me and my family for thirteen years. Notice I don’t write that I’m saying goodbye to you. Because what I do know is that if you stick with me, we will continue to be in each other’s lives, and I will be able to serve you in an even better capacity than before. This move is freeing me up to truly share my heart and life with you in so many ways:
· I have a two-book deal from Zondervan/Harper Collins. A devotional coming in 2025 and a wellness book in 2026.
· My StRest Podcast is already in the top 2% worldwide and twice a week you will be able to sit down and listen as we learn and share wellness and faith unfiltered, together.
· Monthly virtual and in person live workshops will allow you to ask questions live.
· Health coaching, live one on one and in groups (grab a spouse or friends and do it together) will bring me to you to share all my research and help you change our life.
· I’m speaking at women’s conferences , ministry events, and corporate retreats (invite me to yours) all with the purpose to help the world reduce stress and make room for rest in our Lord.
· And one day I’m sure ill be back on TV, in your living room talking about health and faith.
My daughter has now taken over the dog bed in front of the fire by the Christmas tree (one of three, I am after all still a QVC host,) I look at her knowing she will probably roll her eyes at the fact that I’m writing about her. But she knows that having a mom who talks on TV and writes books, and shares at church is part of her life. And I think, there are times when she’s proud of it, though she might never say that out loud. I wonder how she will feel when I’m no longer on TV every Saturday morning. How it will be for us to be home together on weekends, something we haven’t had in the eleven years I hosted Saturday morning Q. And right there I know it’s the right decision. She and her sister will be adults in three short years. I missed so many nights with them in the last fifteen as I’d go to work and hand them over to their dad, a friend, a sitter. I missed all the soccer games and Mother’s Day teas. I sacrificed tucking them in to bed at night for The Shop, Find Your Way, Feel Good Finds, and all the prime time shows I hosted in between. I don’t regret it, I loved serving you in that way, but it’s time to help my kids find their way. This sadness I feel leaving my Q family is quickly replaced by the happiness that comes from spending every minute possible with this family the Lord created for me.
This isn’t goodbye it’s just a changing of the relationship, and I know if you stick with me you too will be blessed by what the Lord is doing in all of us in 2025.
In case you missed it here is the announcement on social media.
Xoxo
In Him,
Kerstin